Maizie finally noticed.

“You all right, Honey?”

“Total relaxation,” Bert said.

“You don't look like it,” Maizie replied. “You look kinda keyed up, actually. Quiet, but keyed.”

“I don't mean me,” he said. Bert nodded toward a patch of sunlight falling on the living room carpet, and a large mop of fur right in the middle of it. Maizie looked that way, too.

“Check out Utensil,” said Bert. “Anything more relaxed than that cat, I've never seen it.”

Maizie smiled. “See what you mean.”

Utensil (his littermate brother, Spatula, had passed on several years earlier) was rolled over on his back, soaking up the sunlight on his tummy feathers, all four feet akimbo and spraddled to the four directions. His eyes were shut and there was a hint of a cat smile on his upside-down face.

“We try to relax,” Bert said, taking a sip of cold coffee. “Oh, we think we're relaxing by going fishing or reading a book. But compared to a cat, we're a constant bundle of nerves. When have we ever done nothing?”

“Well … on weekends …”

“Nope,” said Bert. “We may not do actual work, but we do something. Maybe we drink coffee or iced tea. Maybe we watch television. Maybe we go fishing.”

His lined old face went into pedantic mode then as he warmed up to the subject.

“But we never do nothing. Our brain is working, if nothing else. Even when we sleep, for crying out loud, we're busy dreaming. But look at that, Hon. Just look at that. That cat doesn't care who is President or if there's a war going on somewhere or how many celebrities go to jail for being spoiled rotten. He got all worn out eating breakfast, and now he has to rest.”

“Maybe we should be more like him, you think?”

“Maizie, that's exactly what I think. Emulate Utensil. Ravel up the nits of care.”

He raised his cup.

“Hey, here's to cats.”

Brought to you by the new humor book, “Ol' Slim's Views from the Porch,” available at www.unmpress.com.